Money Management: Take Control Of Her Finances

Let’s say you are in a relationship and it’s going great. She’s attractive, you enjoy her company and your friends like her. You think there might be the possibility of something long-term, something permanent.

But there’s only one problem: She’s not good with money management. And differences over money can be Kryptonite to good, strong relationships.

It’s not that she’s not smart. Plenty of smart people have trouble with money management and have gone bankrupt. It’s just that the subject doesn’t interest her. She likes earning it and spending it. But saving it, managing and using it prudently don’t get her excited. A lot of people are like that.

Maybe you’ve already had the “money talk” about the importance of adopting a few vital financial fundamentals. But even the talk bored her. So, it might be time to take the banker’s job and take control of her finances. But how to do this without coming off like a bully or, worse, like a dollar-and-cents control freak?

Follow the money management steps below and take control of her finances without upsetting the couple dynamic.

Gather information

You’ll need a complete snapshot of your financial condition as a couple. Often in relationships, one party tries to hide bad news (or good) from the other and this can lead to money management disaster down the road.

In a way that is not intrusive you need to catalog:

• Her total debt (especially student loans, credit cards and car loans)
• Her short-term savings (if any)
• Her total retirement savings, how much she is currently contributing toward retirement and how her investments are currently allocated
• Her major monthly budget items — so you can help find ways to reduce her expenses.

The goal here is to get a clear picture of how bad the situation is and what steps you’ll need to take to make it better.

Let her make the suggestion

The goal here is to strengthen both your finances and your relationship. So if you give the impression that Big Daddy’s coming in to save the day or that you’re taking over because she’s incompetent, then there’s a good chance you won’t have a relationship left to strengthen.

There’s a good chance she’ll actually be relieved when you take over the money management duties. And she’ll be even more amenable to the idea if it’s her idea.

How to do this?

• Make sure she understands that you like managing money and that you’re pretty good with figures.
• Mention the success you’ve had following the knowledge you’ve picked up from books or websites. Or the lessons you’ve learned by making your own mistakes.
• Mention how much time and energy could be saved if just one partner paid the bills.

But what if she volunteers to be the household CFO? Not all women collect shoes like Imelda Marcos; some actually like saving for retirement. If she’s good at it and she wants to do it, then let her. Pride is a terrible thing and letting her improve your financial condition will free you up to do other things.

There are more money management tips for your relationship…

Show her the money

Don’t be surprised if she’s hesitant at first. You would be too if someone started poking around in your checking account and monitoring your every purchase. Your goal here is to reassure her. Give her examples of how you’re helping, such as:

• Show her how much extra spending money she’ll have once you get a large credit card bill paid off. It’s no fun restricting your spending for a while, but once the debt is paid off you’ll be able to spend straight, guilt-free cash.
• Show her how much wealth she can accumulate if she increases her retirement plan or IRA contributions. There are all kinds of online calculators that will knock your socks off with what an extra few bucks a month can earn you.
• Look at her cell phone bill, auto insurance and internet/cable bills and see if there are ways to save money without cramping her style.

Prove your worth quickly and she’ll come to realize that she should have hired you a long time ago.

Keep her in the loop

Now that you’re in charge, it’s going to be your responsibility to make sure that financial surprises don’t happen. You can’t do anything about the surprises she drops in your lap. Like the $2,000 she drops at Nordstrom, so make sure you’re telling her what you’re doing.

If you set up any of her bills to get paid automatically, make sure she knows how much and when so she doesn’t spend money she doesn’t have. Same if you make a large payment on a credit card.

Make sure she understands the “why.” Go over certain documents with her regularly, like her 401(k) statement or her cell phone bill. Some people are bad with money because they never established good habits. Here’s your chance to help her establish some.

fidelity fiduciary bank!

Again, it’s perfectly fine to let her take the reins if she has the knack for it. But if she doesn’t, and your attempts at financial coaching don’t work, you’re going to have to take control. And if you go about it the right way, you’ll be on the road to building wealth, saving money and staying together.