Long Distance Relationships – How Long can you Go Long Distance

By Leon Louw

You see this on forums a lot. People saying that they don’t think they will be able to make it. Their partner is far away, and it’s going to be 4 years (or 2 years, or 5 years…) before they will be able to be together. How will they make it for that long? Can long distance relationships even last that long?

The good news is long distance relationships can last for an unlimited number of years. The bad news is that if it goes on for too long, the quality of your relationship may start to deteriorate. So what do you do when you are faced with a long term long distance relationship?

Preparing for long term
In all honesty, a long term long distance relationship doesn’t differ too much from a shorter term long distance relationship. All the rules still apply. There are, however, a few things that you need to ask yourself when you are faced with a long term long distance relationship.

Why has the time frame extended?

What can we do about it?
How will we adapt to it?

Why has the time frame extended?
In our case it was simple. Either go long distance again, or sell the house. Now don’t get me wrong. We’re not clinging to the house due to some materialistic world view where we see items (like the house) as more important than our happiness. The fact is that we bought the house just before the current economic collapse. Even though we bought it at a good price, we would have sold it at a substantial loss. Not including the transfer costs, etc. that was also very expensive. Not only would we not have a house anymore, we would have a substantial amount of debt. Financially, it would have been a mistake.

Maybe you have similar problems. Maybe you also lost your job. Whatever your reason, I urge you to look for a way out.

What can we do about it?
Start making plans. Look for a new job if you have to. Or see if you can renegotiate your current job. Don’t just give in and say you’re a victim of circumstances. Once you start thinking like that, you can just as well end your relationship, because you’re not committed to making it work.

Once you start taking control of the situation and really looking for a way out, you may be surprised to find that the answer is easier than you think. I’m not going to be all airy-fairy and saying things like: If you can think it you can achieve it. I’m just saying you should make a conscious effort to really make a difference in your own situation.

How will we adapt to it
OK, so maybe you really were unlucky. It sometimes happens that you just don’t have a choice in the matter. Take my situation as an example. I applied for over 60 jobs. Admittedly, I may have been a bit desperate towards the end, but I was definitely fully qualified for more than 30 of those jobs. I had one choice and one choice only: Long distance relationship, or unemployed.

But now we make plans. We know exactly when we are going to see each other again and we know exactly what we’re going to do when we get back together. We also know how we’re going to communicate, and what we can talk about and what should best be left for when we get back together.

If you prepare for it, you will definitely make a success of any long distance relationship, no matter how long you are separated.