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Have you ever known a married couple that just didn’t seem as though they should fit together — yet they are both happy in the marriage, and you can’t figure out why?
I know of one couple: He is a burly ex-athlete who, in addition to being a successful salesman, coaches Little League, is active in his Rotary Club and plays golf every Saturday with friends. Meanwhile, his wife is petite, quiet and a complete homebody. She doesn’t even like to go out to dinner.
What mysterious force drives us into the arms of one person, while pushing us away from another who might appear equally desirable to any unbiased observer?
Of the many factors influencing our idea of the perfect mate, one of the most telling, according to John Money, professor emeritus of medical psychology and pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, is what he calls our “love map” — a group of messages encoded in our brains that describes our likes and dislikes. It shows our preferences in hair and eye color, in voice, smell, body build. It also records the kind of personality that appeals to us, whether it’s the warm and friendly type or the strong, silent type.
In short, we fall for and pursue those people who most clearly fit our love map. And this love map is largely determined in childhood. By age eight, the pattern for our ideal mate has already begun to float around in our brains.
When I lecture, I often ask couples in the audience what drew them to their dates or mates. Answers range from “She’s strong and independent” and “I go for redheads” to “I love his sense of humor” and “That crooked smile, that’s what did it.”
I believe what they say. But I also know that if I were to ask those same men and women to describe their mothers, there would be many similarities between their ideal mates and their moms. Yes, our mothers — the first real love of our lives — write a significant portion of our love map.
When we’re little, our mother is the center of our attention, and we are the center of hers. So our mother’s characteristics leave an indelible impression, and we are forever after attracted to people with her facial features, body type, personality, even sense of humor. If our mother was warm and giving, as adults we tend to be attracted to people who are warm and giving. If our mother was strong and even-tempered, we are going to be attracted to a fair-minded strength in our mates.
The mother has an additional influence on her sons: she not only gives them clues to what they will find attractive in a mate, but also affects how they feel about women in general. So if she is warm and nice, her sons are going to think that’s the way women are. They will likely grow up warm and responsive lovers and also be cooperative around the house.
Conversely, a mother who has a depressive personality, and is sometimes friendly but then suddenly turns cold and rejecting, may raise a man who becomes a “dance-away lover.” Because he’s been so scared about love from his mother, he is afraid of commitment and may pull away from a girlfriend for this reason.
While the mother determines in large part what qualities attract us in a mate, it’s the father — the first male in our lives — who influences how we relate to the opposite sex. Fathers have an enormous effect on their children’s personalities and chances of marital happiness.
Just as mothers influence their son’s general feelings toward women, fathers influence their daughter’s general feelings about men. If a father lavishes praise on his daughter and demonstrates that she is a worthwhile person, she’ll feel very good about herself in relation to men. But if the father is cold, critical or absent, the daughter will tend to feel she’s not very lovable or attractive.
In addition, most of us grow up with people of similar social circumstances. We hang around with people in the same town; our friends have about the same educational backgrounds and career goals. We tend to be most comfortable with these people, and therefore we tend to link up with others whose families are often much like our own.
Complementary Needs
What about opposites? Are they really attracted to each other? Yes and no. In many ways we want a mirror image of ourselves. Physically attractive people, for example, are usually drawn to a partner who’s equally attractive.
Robert Winch, a longtime sociology professor at Northwestern University, stated in his research that our choice of a marriage partner involves a number of social similarities. But he also maintained that we look for someone with complementary needs. A talker is attracted to someone who likes to listen, or an aggressive personality may seek out a more passive partner.
It’s rather like the old, but perceptive, saying on the subject of marriage that advises future partners to make sure that the holes in one’s head fit the bumps in the other’s. Or, as Winch observed, it’s the balancing out of sociological likenesses and psychological differences that seems to point the way for the most solid lifelong romance.
However, there are instances where people of different social backgrounds end up getting married and being extremely happy. I know of one man, a factory worker from a traditional Irish family in Chicago, who fell in love with an African American Baptist. When they got married, their friends and relatives predicted a quick failure. But 25 years later, the marriage is still strong.
It turns out that the woman was like her mother-in-law — a loving and caring person, the type who rolls up her sleeves and volunteers to work at church or help out people in need. This is the quality that her husband fell for, and it made color and religion and any other social factors irrelevant to him.
Or as George Burns, who was Jewish and married the Irish Catholic Gracie Allen, used to say: his marriage was his favorite gig, even though it was Gracie who got all the laughs. The two of them did share certain social similarities — both grew up in the city, in large but poor families. Yet what really drew them together was evident from the first time they went onstage together. They complemented each other perfectly: he was the straight man, and she delivered the punch lines.
There are certainly such “odd couples” who could scarcely be happier. We all know some drop-dead beautiful person married to an unusually plain wallflower. This is a trade-off some call the equity theory.
When men and women possess a particular asset, such as high intelligence, unusual beauty, a personality that makes others swoon, or a hefty bankroll that has the same effect, some decide to trade their assets for someone else’s strong points. The raging beauty may trade her luster for the power and security that come with big bucks. The not-so-talented fellow from a good family may swap his pedigree for a poor but brilliantly talented mate.
Indeed, almost any combination can survive and thrive. Once, some neighbors of mine stopped by for a friendly social engagement. During the evening Robert, a man in his 50s, suddenly blurted out, “What would you say if your daughter planned to marry someone who has a ponytail and insisted on doing the cooking?”
“Unless your daughter loves cooking,” I responded, “I’d say she was darn lucky.”
“Exactly,” his wife agreed. “It’s really your problem, Robert — that old macho thing rearing its head again. The point is, they’re in love.”
I tried to reassure Robert, pointing out that the young man their daughter had picked out seemed to be a relaxed, nonjudgmental sort of person — a trait he shared with her own mother.
Is there such a thing as love at first sight? Why not? When people become love-struck, what happens in that instant is the couple probably discover a unique something they have in common. It could be something as mundane as they both were reading the same book or were born in the same town. At the same time they recognize some trait in the other that complements their own personality.
I happen to be one of those who were struck by the magic wand. On that fateful weekend, while I was a sophomore at Cornell University, I had a terrible cold and hesitated to join my family on vacation in the Catskill Mountains. Finally I decided anything would be better than sitting alone in my dormitory room.
That night as I was preparing to go to dinner, my sister rushed up the stairs and said, “When you walk into that dining room, you’re going to meet the man you’ll marry.”
I think I said something like “Buzz off!” But my sister couldn’t have been more right. I knew it from the moment I saw him, and the memory still gives me goose flesh. He was a premed student, also at Cornell, who incidentally also had a bad cold. I fell in love with Milton the instant I met him.
Milt and I were married for 39 years, until his death in 1989. And all that time we experienced a love that Erich Fromm called a “feeling of fusion, of oneness,” even while we both continued to change, grow and fulfill our lives.
Facebook, like nuclear technology, is a tool that can be used for good as well as evil. There are clearly some people who lack the ability (or desire) to use either responsibly, and because this is neither Vietnam nor the Wild West, we decided to implement some rules of etiquette for Mark Zuckerberg’s handiwork. Here are the top 10 rules of etiquette for using Facebook responsibly in and around relationships:
10) Relationship status is a mutual decision. Lots of problems can arise from a unilateral status change. All of your friends get that update in real time, not a fun way to find out that the dream is over.
9) It’s OK to look through your friend’s friends for people you might want to meet/date/friend. It’s not OK to skip the middleman on the introduction. I get freaked out when anyone I don’t know tries to friend** me. I assume they’re trying to sell me something, stalking me or both. As always, be mindful of friend-poaching, it’s not cool.
Ask first before friending a close friend’s ex-squeeze. It’s common courtesy and it’s part of the Bro Code.
7) It’s OK to remain friends with someone you used to date on Facebook. We can be grownups about this. Just prepare yourself to see some status updates that you could probably do without.
6) Posting a ton of pics, vids and comments regarding a recent, failed relationship is a bad idea. If you need a lifeline, phone a friend don’t ask the audience.
5) As with all things, there is such thing as too much information. The airing grievances are best done over email, telephone and brunch. Likewise, starting a group about how “John Tucker must die,” while possibly cathartic, smacks of sour grapes. Starting a Facebook group called “I Hooked Up With Dane Cook And All I Got Was This Lousy Comedy CD” is, however, hilarious. Also, keep them photos safe for work.
4) This is sort of an addendum to 2 previous rules, but it bears it’s own space: don’t friend an ex’s new squeeze if you’re not actually friends. It’s easy not friending someone. In fact, it takes more energy to friend someone than not friend them. Nothing good can come of this. It’s the social media equivalent of John Cusack watching through the eyes of John Malkovich’s daughter as Cameron Diaz and Catherine Keener kiss in the end of Being John Malkovich. No, life isn’t fair.
3) Know the difference between the Wall and a message. Facebook should devise a multiple-choice test for every new member. It will include questions like: The note “I luv u sooooo much baaaaaaaaby. I can’t waaaaaaait too seeee u 2nite” belongs in A) a private message; B) the Wall; or C) a coloring book for the mentally-special. In addition, know when and whom to Poke, Super Poke, Gift and, if it exists, Super Gift.
2) Again, the interweb is not a therapy session and shouldn’t be used with severely impaired judgment. For instance, there are only 2 occasions when you tell someone that you had a huge crush on them in high school: a best-selling memoir or in a situation where you think this may get them to sleep with you… in the next 15 minutes. Definitely not on their Facebook Wall.
1) Above all other rules (in this actually is in the Facebook rules), do not create a fake page as a way to punish an ex. Creating a page about your old flame and including; “pooping in the bed,” “giving people crabs” and “stealing from people I date” as favorite pastimes may seem funny, but it’s petty and it’s a pretty good way to get sued for like $40,000 (see the case of Raphael, Grant).
Follow these 10 simple rules and people across the land will say, “Hey, that [insert your name] is pretty responsible with [insert your gender-specific possessive pronoun] use of Facebook in a relationships setting.”
Article by Julia Angwin from Wall Street journal
Is it time to finally succumb to all those requests from annoying people who want to be your “friend” on Facebook or LinkedIn?
If you have so far resisted befriending people that you wouldn’t normally call a friend in real life, here’s a good reason to acquiesce: these acquaintances could come in very handy when looking for a job or a new career.
You may already have a perfectly satisfactory career. But in our brutal economic environment, we all live with a tiny corner of dread in our souls about being voted off the island.
The best defense against letting that corner of dread blossom into a full flower of paranoia is to have a support group. Despite their reputations as time-wasting dens of iniquity, social networks used wisely can be productive support groups.
On a social network, you build up what is known in sociology circles as your “weak ties.” It turns out that people can often get jobs and spouses through people to whom they have weak ties — meaning acquaintances rather than their best friends.
In a seminal 1973 paper, Stanford professor Mark Granovetter laid out the importance of weak ties between acquaintances, which he said created a “crucial bridge between the [acquaintances'] two densely knit clumps of close friends.”
Weak ties are particularly good for job searching, Mr. Granovetter argued, because acquaintances can expose a job candidate to a much wider range of possibilities than his or her close friends can.
“Your weak ties are your windows on the world,” says Mr. Granovetter. He says he accepts friend requests “if I know the person, whether I like them or not.”
Social networks are practically the definition of weak ties. On a social network, you can be “friends” again with all sorts of people from your past — from your college girlfriend to your former math tutor.
Of course, online safety experts recommend only friending people you know in real life, and not putting your personal information such as home address and cellphone number on your profile.
Strangely, I find that the people who befriend me are often people who didn’t seem to like me at the time we knew each other in real life.
No matter, you are not really becoming their friend. Accept their friend request. Because next week, they may be posting this headline online: “Looking for a new CEO of my startup.”
Recently, Jim Bankoff, a senior adviser at Providence Equity Partners, was looking for a developer for one of his startups, a sports blogging network called SB Nation.
Mr. Bankoff changed his Facebook status update to “Looking for a rails developer who likes to chat about sports.” The message was distributed to his 818 friends. Within days, Bankoff’s acquaintances had forwarded him two candidates for the job.
In the past, Mr. Bankoff conducted such informal job hunts by sending out emails to his friends. But Facebook brought him a different set of candidates: “The two people I got the leads from were not people I would have thought to include (in an email),” Mr. Bankoff says.
You can do the same kind of networking with traditional methods, such as attending alumni association mixers and sending out Christmas cards. It just takes more work.
Barry Wellman, a University of Toronto professor who studies social networks and is writing a book about how the Internet affects relationships, prefers traditional networking. He declines to join Facebook or LinkedIn.
“I have more connectivity than I can handle,” Mr. Wellman says. “I don’t need mindshare. I would love to keep up more with my friends, but I use the old-fashioned mechanism of email for that.”
He divides his 3,000-person address book into email lists, including a 120-person “best friends” list.
Still, for many people social-network sites are easier to manage than multiple email lists. Social networks can also help you mask the fact that you’re looking for a job. Harvard Business School Professor Mikolaj Jan Piskorski describes this phenomenon as the “pooling effect.”
And haven’t you ever noticed that the most persistent befrienders on social networks are people who have just been laid off? They’re quickly trying to build up their weak ties, but without the benefit of the pooling effect.
I recommend you build your weak ties before you’re voted off the island.
Starting price: $277,456
Power: 4.3-liter, 503-hp V8
If you can stomach the price, this is a scary-fast, insanely competent (0 to 60 in 3.5 sec), sexy purebred that makes operatic engine sounds unlike any other. Oh yes, and former Formula 1 champion Michael Schumacher was crucial to its development.
Purists can argue about the superiority of a mid-engine V-8 Ferrari like the F430 vs. the big front-engine V-12 599 GTB, but my money goes to the playfulness of the mid-engine car. For those who prefer German, the 911 in any guise is unimpeachable, while Audi’s R8 is the hottest new entrant. The Corvette, starting at $46,1000, is still the best deal around.
Starting price: From $69,850
Power: 480-hp 3.8-liter twin-turbocharged V-6
When was the last time you were able to watch a g-meter record in real time the lateral forces you were pulling in while cornering, braking, and accelerating? The crazy-quick (0 to 60 in 3.3 sec), capable GT-R offers, in addition to race-car performance, Ultra-Low Emission Vehicle status in all 50 states.
Benchmarked against the Porsche 911 Turbo, this car is serious business on a budget — and manages out-run its more expensive all-wheel drive competitors, including the 911 Turbo, the Lamborghini Gallardo, and the Audi R8. It may not have the hand-honed feeling of a European sports car, but picking on a little plastic in the interior is like pointing out a small blemish on a supermodel.
BMW M3
Starting price: From $56,500
Power: 414-hp V-8
It’s almost boring to name the M3 the winner — its engineering and emotional appeal make it a perennial standout. And yet, once in the driver’s seat, there’s nothing boring about its godlike dynamics, power, and technical prowess, This latest edition is the most serious track star yet, with a carbon fiber roof that not only looks trick to look at but saves weight, too.
Its high-performance pedigree stands out when you drive. BMW has built in multiple electronic systems to tailor the car’s performance, from various levels of traction control, suspension sportiness, throttle response, transmission shift points, etc.
Bentley Brooklands
Starting price: From $340,990
Power: 6.7-liter, 550-hp V-8
Bentley wins for its ability to craft a car that is exclusive to the extreme, — only 550 will ever be built — graceful in its grand proportions and flashy yet not overly ostentatious. It requires 660 man-hours to build one, and one man one month to match and finish the wood veneers alone.
The performance is no less to-the-manor-born: the 530-hp V-8 is the most powerful eight-cylinder Bentley has ever brought to market. The engine produces a jaw-dropping 774-ft lb of torque — which produces what Bentley engineers rightly describe as a tidal wave of power.
Audi RS4
Starting price: $66,910
Power: 4.2-liter, 420-hp V-8
Ask an automotive engineer — off the record — to state a benchmark, and chances are he’ll pick an Audi. And then there’s a high-water mark like the RS 4, which is innovation-rich, ridiculously quick, and competent at everything from daily driving to track-tough floggings.
Touches like bi-xenon high intensity discharge headlights, an aggressive front diffuser, and a svelte spoiler on the rear deck are icing on a rocket.
Jaguar XF Supercharged
Starting price: $62,975
Power: 420 hp 4.2-liter V-8
If Jaguar’s new owners, India’s Tata Motors, needed any convincing about whether the British marque was capable of building great cars, the XF surely put those to rest.
The sexy XF is one of the freshest and chicest designs around, and compared to the competition, it’s loaded for the money. Remarkably, the XK serves up that ever-elusive “customer surprise and delight” that car marketers drone on about but rarely deliver.
Mercedes-Benz S550
Starting price: $86,700
Power: 382-hp V-8
Mercedes is masterful at crafting top-flight luxury sedans, and this latest edition of its flagship sets a new gold standard. The S550, although not as powerful as the super-high performance 518-hp S63 AMG, strikes the perfect balance between power (382 hp), space (109.4 cu. ft. of passenger space vs. 95.8 average for the competition), and relative value (the S63 AMG starts at $127,000).
Throw in the luxury-hotel feeling of the interior — complete with concierge-like electronic systems — and it’s easy to see why Mercedes still owns this segment.
Lexus RX400h AWD
Starting price: $42,980
Power: 268-hp 3.3-liter V-6
Luxury? The RX400h is dripping with perks.
Gas mileage? 25 mpg average, 27 highway.
Conscience? It was the first luxury hybrid.
There’s also an amazing 38.3 cu. ft. of cargo volume–suitcases ahead of the competition. And impressive refinements and Toyota dependability. Lexus thinks of everything.
Porsche Cayenne GTS
Starting price: $69,300
Power: 405 hp 4.8-liter V-8
Of all the Cayennes (there are now four models), this is the standout: The aggressive front and rear fascia come from the Cayenne Turbo, and a 20-mm-lower stance and improved dynamics give it insanely impeccable ride and handling. The performance is so good, you’ll marvel at how Porsche engineers managed to make a 2 1/2 ton truck feel almost as dynamic as one of their precision sports cars.
Lexus LX 570
Starting price: $74,700
Power: 383-hp 5.7-liter V-8
Elegance and proficiency are hard to bake into big SUVs — but Lexus has. From a power-sliding middle row to more over-the-top gadgetry than any other SUV in its class (there is a 19-speaker Mark Levinson stereo, for example, and you can — get this — control the speed of the electric windows!).
Dynamically, systems such as Active Height Control and terrain-sensing antilock brakes (they allow the LX 570 to stop quickly even in sand, which normally defeats conventional ABS technology) make the LX 570 a superlative-spewing winner. If you need so many seats, you won’t find better.
The good news for people with hypoglycemia, or a pre-diabetic condition, is that specific foods—plus a healthy diet—help stabilize blood sugar. Here’s the tasty way to prevent diabetes.
Let’s look at diet first because it’s foundational. To have a couple of “good” foods in an otherwise sloppy diet probably won’t help your condition. But an overall healthy diet helps put the joy back in your life…as well as stabilize your blood sugar.
It is important to eat regular and moderate-sized meals. Don’t skip meals. Make sure you’re eating ample protein and an abundance of vegetables. Eat several servings per day of whole, unrefined grains; but otherwise limit carbohydrates, including fruit. Favor temperate-region fruits, like apples, pears or berries in moderation. But avoid fruit juice and the sweeter tropical fruits like pineapple and mangos.
With carbohydrates, the key is whole and underutilized like wild rice, quinoa, millet and buckwheat. Intact grain takes longer to digest than does bread, pasta, rice cakes, breakfast cereal or baked goods. You can easily determine this for yourself. Compare how “full” you feel an hour after a meal with buckwheat compared to a meal with pasta.
Because they may contribute to blood-sugar imbalances, a healing diet minimizes: alcohol, caffeine, juice, sweeteners and all common and refined grains. Additionally, consider what contributes to emotional, mental and physical balance in your life and make necessary adjustments to support a healthy lifestyle. Enjoy adequate sleep and regular exercise.
The following foods specifically help regulate blood sugar and therefore are good for people with hypoglycemia and diabetes:
BITTER MELON As its name suggests, bitter melon tastes bitter, it is not, however, a melon. It’s a summer squash similar in size and shape to a cucumber but with skin and flesh the color of pale jade. Bitter melon has a lumpy, ridged skin. It is a traditional diabetic remedy throughout the Far East. In clinical tests, bitter melon inhibits glucose absorption, increases insulin flow and has insulin-like effects. It is available in Asian and growers’ markets and in a supplement form. Asian bitter melon recipes use salt to eliminate the vegetable’s bitter flavor.
FENUGREEK A popular spice throughout the Middle East and India, this legume is a common curry ingredient. Fenugreek is smaller than a grain of wheat, mustard yellow in color and oddly shaped. It helps regulate sugar levels of non-insulin-dependent diabetics. Enjoy fenugreek as a tea or a spice. Or sprout these little seeds and substitute them for alfalfa sprouts in salads and sandwiches.
STEVIA A South American herb 30 times sweeter than sugar, stevia helps regulate blood sugar and blood pressure. It also suppresses dental bacteria and reduces mental and physical fatigue. I find stevia easiest to use as a beverage sweetener. It’s available in natural food stores in numerous forms. It is most healthful as a cut herb rather than when its refined into a liquid extract or blended with other sweeteners.
SUNFLOWER FAMILY ROOT VEGETABLES The roots of sunflower relatives contain inulin, a natural fructose that helps diabetics lower their blood sugar. They include burdock, chicory, dandelion, Jerusalem artichoke, salsify and scorzonera. Burdock and Jerusalem artichokes are available in the produce section of most natural food stores. You’ll find burdock, chicory and dandelion as dried herbs or in tinctures. Salsify and scorzonera are occasionally available with imported produce or they’re easy to grow in your garden. And, in temperate regions you may forage chicory, dandelion, Jerusalem artichokes and salsify root.
ONION FAMILY All onion family members help regulate blood sugar so use them daily and with abandon. They include garlic, leeks, onions, ramps and scallions. You may also consider supplementing with garlic powder which is available in numerous forms.
By Leon Louw
You see this on forums a lot. People saying that they don’t think they will be able to make it. Their partner is far away, and it’s going to be 4 years (or 2 years, or 5 years…) before they will be able to be together. How will they make it for that long? Can long distance relationships even last that long?
The good news is long distance relationships can last for an unlimited number of years. The bad news is that if it goes on for too long, the quality of your relationship may start to deteriorate. So what do you do when you are faced with a long term long distance relationship?
Preparing for long term
In all honesty, a long term long distance relationship doesn’t differ too much from a shorter term long distance relationship. All the rules still apply. There are, however, a few things that you need to ask yourself when you are faced with a long term long distance relationship.
Why has the time frame extended?
What can we do about it?
How will we adapt to it?
Why has the time frame extended?
In our case it was simple. Either go long distance again, or sell the house. Now don’t get me wrong. We’re not clinging to the house due to some materialistic world view where we see items (like the house) as more important than our happiness. The fact is that we bought the house just before the current economic collapse. Even though we bought it at a good price, we would have sold it at a substantial loss. Not including the transfer costs, etc. that was also very expensive. Not only would we not have a house anymore, we would have a substantial amount of debt. Financially, it would have been a mistake.
Maybe you have similar problems. Maybe you also lost your job. Whatever your reason, I urge you to look for a way out.
What can we do about it?
Start making plans. Look for a new job if you have to. Or see if you can renegotiate your current job. Don’t just give in and say you’re a victim of circumstances. Once you start thinking like that, you can just as well end your relationship, because you’re not committed to making it work.
Once you start taking control of the situation and really looking for a way out, you may be surprised to find that the answer is easier than you think. I’m not going to be all airy-fairy and saying things like: If you can think it you can achieve it. I’m just saying you should make a conscious effort to really make a difference in your own situation.
How will we adapt to it
OK, so maybe you really were unlucky. It sometimes happens that you just don’t have a choice in the matter. Take my situation as an example. I applied for over 60 jobs. Admittedly, I may have been a bit desperate towards the end, but I was definitely fully qualified for more than 30 of those jobs. I had one choice and one choice only: Long distance relationship, or unemployed.
But now we make plans. We know exactly when we are going to see each other again and we know exactly what we’re going to do when we get back together. We also know how we’re going to communicate, and what we can talk about and what should best be left for when we get back together.
If you prepare for it, you will definitely make a success of any long distance relationship, no matter how long you are separated.
By Ben Popken From Reader’s Digest
When times get tough, the cons get cagier. The latest scams, shams, and devious flimflams to avoid.
The economic crisis has left many people deep in debt and looking for a deal-or a savior-to get them through tough times. But instead of a white knight, many are getting a shady scammer.
Inspired by the headlines, con artists slap new stories on old tricks, preying on the financial fears and desperation of hardworking citizens. After all, when you’re drowning, you’re interested in what the guy who claims to be selling life preservers has to say. Here, some of the newest and newsiest ploys to avoid.Bank failures, mergers, and takeovers have left depositors wondering, Is my money safe?
Scam: You receive an e-mail that says, “Do not let the financial markets’ collapse affect your life. Protect yourself by clicking on the link below right now.” This is the latest twist on the classic phishing scam: The link goes to a fake Web page that looks like your bank’s. If you log in to update your account information, as requested, you’ve handed the keys to your account over to an identity thief.
The Details: Hillery Peacock, a 24-year-old student from Gainesville, Florida, received one of these e-mails, but a few warning signs tipped her off that it was a scam. It was from a free e-mail service rather than a company website, the “reply to” line was different from the “sent from,” the subject line was blank, and the e-mail was text-only, says Peacock, without any “fancy ads” that usually come with official company marketing e-mails.
Fight Back: Never log on to your bank from a link in an e-mail. Always type in your bank’s URL, then log on. You should also call your financial institution to report the incident and forward the e-mail to the Federal Trade Commission at spam@uce.gov.
Banks are lending only to those with excellent credit.
Scam: Debt-settlement companies say they’ll repair your credit, but instead they take your money and don’t pay off your debt.
The Details: Dave Perks, 30, of Richmond, Virginia, was $23,000 in the hole. He had a wife and a six-month-old son and was working as a waiter, hoping to land a job in advertising. Then he heard a radio ad for a debt-relief firm.
A company representative told him to stop paying his creditors, that the company would make the payments for him with the $300 he’d authorized to be deducted from his bank account every month. The rep also told Perks to list the firm’s office as the contact for his creditors so that he could stop receiving the collection calls and letters.
In seven months, Perks saved up enough money to rent a small house. Because the landlord would need to pull a credit report, Perks wanted to warn the debt-settlement firm so it wouldn’t think he was taking out a new line of credit, which was forbidden under the agreement.
When Perks called the office, he listened to a message that said the firm had been forced into involuntary bankruptcy due to fraudulent business practices. Perks called his bank. It hadn’t received a single payment from the firm and was about to write off Perks’s account as uncollectible, leaving a serious black mark on his credit report.
Perks was out $2,100. His tiny nest egg went to paying down the debt, which had ballooned to more than $25,000. “It’s so easy to fall into a trap when you’re desperate for a solution,” he says.
Fight Back: There is nothing any debt-settlement, relief, or consolidation company can do to wipe out your debt legally that you can’t do on your own. However, if you feel you need professional help, find an accredited counselor through the nonprofit National Foundation for Credit Counseling (www.debtadvice.org). And watch for these warning signs:
- Hefty or hidden fees-anything over $50 per month
- Someone who wants you to sign up for the service over the phone
- Agents who work on commission based on the total debt they’re able to collect (if you’re not sure, ask)
- Anyone who tells you to stop paying your creditors
- A “counselor” who doesn’t take a genuine interest in ensuring you’re educated about your financial options.
Interstate moves are at a near 20-year high as jobs get scarce and people move to keep them.
Scam: Moving company? More like hostage takers. Once all your goods are on the truck, the price skyrockets.
The Details: Clark Wilson, a flight instructor, and his wife, Marlys, a nutritionist, both 61, were relocating from Oregon to Arizona and found a good moving deal online. As the movers were loading the Wilsons’ possessions, they told the couple that they had more items than had been estimated and they would have to pay more than the $6,950 quoted on the phone. By the time the crew had loaded everything, the price had jumped to $18,500, half of which was due on the spot. Feeling as if they had no choice, the Wilsons say, they paid by credit card.
After the movers left, however, the couple contacted MoveRescue, a consumer-assistance organization. When the movers showed up at the Wilsons’ new house in Arizona, local police and a Department of Weights and Measures inspector were there to meet them. The state inspector did an official cubic-space measurement and calculated the final bill at $11,135. Lost in the move, Clark says, were his grandfather’s antique guns.
Fight Back: Beware lowball quotes. Shady movers use them to lure you in, then leave you on the hook by demanding an exorbitant rate hike. “The guys who do this are brokers, not real movers,” says Steve Meissner, a spokesman for Arizona’s Department of Weights and Measures. “They sell the job to a moving company that no one’s ever heard of.”
Check out the company’s reputation in advance at protectyourmove.gov or movingscam.com. On moving day, if the movers don’t give you a copy of the federal handbook Your Rights and Responsibilities When You Move, that’s a red flag. If your price jumps at any point, call the National Conference on Weights and Measures (402-434-4880) for your local agency. For more resources, go to moverescue.com.
Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac imploded, resulting in a government takeover of the mortgage finance companies.
Scam: A phony prize drawing, supposedly sponsored by Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, requires a hefty fee to claim your nonexistent winnings.
The Details: The Better Business Bureau (BBB) has received a number of complaints about a fax riddled with grammatical and spelling errors from the “F&F Mae Mac Equity Draw,” declaring the recipient has won millions. The fax says it’s “part of a promotional draws … to enable home owners who owned a home all over the United States of America have more money, and … buy more homes [sic].”
A BBB investigator faxed in the forms and called the “claim agent.” The man who picked up the phone, the investigator reported, “said he had my fax right there in front of him, which is interesting, since I never told him who I was, nor did he ask. But he did tell me that to collect my big prize, I was required to wire a ‘processing fee’ of $850 to the Las Vegas address in my documents, and then I could collect my riches. I invited the FBI to share in my excitement.”
Fight Back: It’s illegal for a sweepstakes to require you to pay to get your prize. Any sweepstakes that does is a scam. Don’t fall for it.
With national unemployment levels at 14-year highs, many people are desperate for work.
Scam: You’re hired-to be a victim of check fraud.
The Details: A $4,000 check showed up unexpectedly in Owen West’s mailbox, along with a job offer to become a “secret shopper,” a person who makes undercover purchases and reports on how well a store is run. There was one curious item on the to-do list: Wire $3,000 to someone in New York.
West, a 25-year-old graduate student in San Diego, used to clear checks in a credit union. He noticed that the check account number was printed twice-next to the bank routing number and in the upper-right corner. That’s not unusual, but the numbers didn’t match. The check was drawn on the fictional State Employers’ Credit Union, not the legitimate State Employees’ Credit Union. Most tellers might not have noticed and would have deposited the check. Within a week, the check-clearing department would have spotted the fake and yanked the funds back. If West had wired the money to New York-thinking the $4,000 deposit would cover it-he would have been out $3,000.
“It was done really well,” says West. “A desperate person who wanted this to be true could be easily scammed.”
Fight Back: Never wire money to strangers. Whenever someone you don’t know wants you to cash a check and send part of it elsewhere, it’s a scam. If you’ve already wired the money, try to stop payment by calling the wire-transfer company. If no one has picked up the money yet, you’ll get it back. Otherwise, it’s too late.
>Home energy costs are still high, and some consumers will have trouble paying those bills.
Scam: A door-to-door salesman pretending to be from your energy company tricks you into switching to his.
The Details: A young man knocked on Jeremy Hooper’s door in New York City, claiming he was from Con Edison and needed to check Hooper’s gas-and-electric bill. The guy circled parts of the bill that he said indicated Hooper could get a 7 percent discount. Hooper just needed to sign some forms.
“It wasn’t until he asked for a second signature that I got suspicious,” says Hooper. “The second signature was on a form that he covered up completely except for the signature line.” Unnerved, Hooper refused and shut the door. It’s a good thing he did.
The young man actually worked for IDT Energy, a $249 million company headquartered in Newark, New Jersey. The hidden form would have transferred Hooper’s energy service from Con Ed to IDT. Hooper might have seen an initial discount, but within months, it’s likely his bills would have started to fluctuate, depending on market prices. (Hooper did not file a complaint, and IDT says it doesn’t condone such activity and has policies in place to discipline employees engaging in deceptive practices.)
Fight Back: Make any company rep on your doorstep show an ID. Better yet, don’t open the door in the first place. If you get hoodwinked into switching companies, just ask your former provider to switch you back.
Strapped for cash, people are selling things online to pay their bills and get out of debt.
Scam: An online buyer uses a bogus “shipping agent” story to sucker you into advancing him money.
The Details: Janet Flair’s employer, Jett Service, a commercial heating, air-conditioning, and ventilation service in Alexandria, Virginia, was selling a van on craigslist.org. After a buyer sent his check to Flair-for more than the price they had agreed on-he told her that his secretary had accidentally included in the check the amount that was supposed to go to his “shipping agent.” The buyer asked Flair to deposit the check and wire the extra money to the “agent.”
He even told her to take $100 for her troubles. “Am sure I can count on you, that you can handle this with trust and have it sent to my shipper. Await your mail. Thanks, Eloquent Business Ahead,” read the e-mail.
Had Flair fallen for this scam, she would have been out of any money she’d sent to the “shipping agent.” “If this isn’t a scam,” Flair remembers thinking, “may lightning strike.” While the rip-off was obvious to her, someone who has to choose between the lights going off and taking what looks like earnest money could be taken in.
Fight Back: Buyers asking you to pay their “shipping agent” are fraudsters. Find another buyer.
Increasingly, debtors are taking out payday loans to make ends meet.
Scam: Fake debt collectors call and threaten you with jail time for a payday debt you paid off years ago-or never owed in the first place.
The Details: Almost immediately after Laurie Lucas picked up the phone, a man who identified himself as Eric Matthews from Legal Affidavit Office began reading off a litany of charges: theft of property, fraud, money laundering. “Matthews” said that he “felt sorry for the tragedy that was getting ready to befall” Lucas because she’d failed to pay back a $5,000 payday loan to U.S. National Bank. “They” would be coming to arrest her the next morning at 11 unless she wired the funds to the bank.
When Lucas said she had never taken out such a loan and had never heard of U.S. National Bank (no doubt because it doesn’t exist), “Matthews” said she should have kept better records. Growing suspicious, Lucas talked to “Matthews” while Googling the groups he said he worked for. She found a number of consumers telling similar stories. It was all a con.
Lucas told “Matthews” to send his request in writing and hung up. Anyone who regularly gets calls from creditors or who isn’t as savvy might not have fared as well. “Some people may be so terrified that they’d send the money,” says Lucas.
Fight Back: Whether it’s a bona fide debt collector or a scam artist posing as one, tell him to put it in writing and hang up. If the crooks continue calling—as “Matthews” did for weeks-file a police report for harassment. Beware: These crooks use official—and ominous—sounding names, like Federal Investigations Bureau, Financial Crime Division, and United Legal Processing.
The foreclosure meltdown has many more people scouring online listings for bargain apartment rentals.
Scam: The property is real. The “landlord” just doesn’t own it.
The Details: Beth Ann Bovino was shocked to find an apartment on Manhattan’s Upper West Side for only $1,500 a month. She was even more shocked to find the place was her own.
Someone had grabbed a photo she posted online and placed a dummy rental listing on craigslist.org with her name and address. Bovino e-mailed her doppelgänger, posing as an interested renter. The flimflammer said he would send the keys if Bovino wired a month’s rent in advance. When she asked to speak by phone, the impostor wrote back that he was a “deaf-mute.” Bovino got Craigslist to take the listing down, but it popped up again.
Fight Back: For big-ticket items, try to do business in person. Scope out the other party’s reputation-check references, the BBB, and the Chamber of Commerce-and see if the details add up. If a fraudster makes a fake listing for your property online, ask the hosting site to take it down. Unfortunately, once a scammer finds a good place to park his listing, he or his buddies will keep reusing it, and you could be in for a Whac-A-Mole endurance test.
It’s Probably a Scam if …
- You get a call or an e-mail out of the blue.
- The English is shaky, at best.
- There’s a promise of lots of money for minimal effort.
- The e-mail is from someone in Eastern Europe, Asia, or Nigeria.
- It involves depositing a check, then sending money somewhere through a wire-transfer service.
- You must “act now.”
- It sounds too good to be true.
For many people happiness is an elusive butterfly in the garden of life. Imagine a young child in the garden on a summer day. The child sees a beautiful butterfly flitting from flower to flower. With eyes of wonder the child wants to see it close up, touch it, and hold it in their hands. The child goes towards the flower that the butterfly is resting on, with arms out stretched, only to find as he just gets in reach, the butterfly moves to another flower. Undeterred the child follows the butterfly to the next flower, and then the next, but the butterfly always stays just out of reach.
As adults, happiness can seem just like that butterfly, always just out of reach. It becomes almost an obsession and the words “if only?” become an increasingly large part of our thoughts and vocabulary. If only I had more money I would be happy, if only I was in a great relationship I would be happy, if only I could have a different job???.and the list goes on. Even if we achieve one of our “if only” desires, the happiness we seek is still just out of our reach. The truth of the saying “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence” becomes our focus and perception. If this becomes our focus, we find that dissatisfaction and unhappiness increasingly keep growing in our life and experience.
The unhappiness within us can not be completely satisfied by external events or circumstances. To find happiness in life we must first be at peace with ourselves internally. External events and circumstances can bring us happiness in the moment, but they do not have a lasting effect on our inner self. Life experience brings a mixture of good and bad circumstances to everyone. To rely on life’s experiences for our source of happiness would mean living life in a constant emotional roller coaster ride.
Happiness comes from within. The inner contentment that survives the roller coaster ride of life has its roots deep within our being. The source of happiness comes from finding and embracing who we are as a person, and living a life of purpose. We need to find peace in every aspect of our life- the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. To discover acceptance, purpose and peace in all of these areas will give a sense of completion in life. If we neglect any one of these areas, we experience a sense of emptiness and feel something is missing. There is not a solid foundation for building happiness within, but we then, typically start to try to fill this incompleteness by looking for outside solutions. That is the point when we can fall into the ‘elusive butterfly’ syndrome, and experience such frustration.
Is happiness an elusive butterfly for you? Spend some time in quiet reflection. Are you neglecting one of the four important parts of who you are and experiencing a sense of emptiness within? The more you discover, embrace and accept your uniqueness and purpose, the more you will experience the butterfly of happiness alighting on your shoulder.
Barbara White, of Beyond Better Development, speaks and writes with a passion to empower others to live life fully. This article is extracted from her newsletter “Growing Beyond Better.
To subscribe to her newsletter, or read other articles visit http://www.livingbeyondbetter.com
By Philip Mwaniki and Tim Kamuzu Banda, ZUQKA Magazine
Jeff Koinange
“All Kenyan…(count 1-10) All the time” has become a catch phrase thanks to the K24 television hunk and presenter of ‘Capital Talk’.
Jeff Koinange may not have a bench big enough for two but the former CNN West Africa correspondent still manages to squeeze an extra person and with that, he continues to rake in ratings because of the nature of people he interviews on the bench everyday.
Controversy about the real reason that got him off CNN may still be rife but he seems to have put all that behind him and has managed to get back on the media in less than a year.
Word has it is he is headed to one of the major local stations.
Dunford Brothers
Good things come in twos as the Dunford brothers Jason and David have shown.
David Dunford was a Commonwealth Games finalist and the second Kenyan swimmer in history to qualify for the Olympics Games, the first being his older brother Jason.
Jason, predominantly an impressive butterfly and freestyle sprinter, is an African swimming champion. He brought home gold in the All-Africa Games and became a World Championships finalist, as well as an Olympics finalist.
He also broke the 50 meters butterfly Olympic record for seven seconds before the Serbian Milorad Cavic broke it.
Age is on the brothers’ side, meaning they will still be around and even stronger come the next Olympics. Watch out Michael Phelps.
Chris Kirubi
Few at his age and his money share his social visibility. So when he and 13 others appeared in court accused of conspiracy to defraud Uchumi Supermarkets it was understandable that a television cameraman focused on his gold Omega watch.
The matter is still in court and it seems the press will not tire on concentrating Nairobi’s socialite extraordinaire.
Big Kev
He has grown from humble beginnings to the pinnacle of local entertainment forcing him to slowly retreat to the background to manage his company, Tru Blaq Entertainment. But that hasn’t kept the media away from his life.
He recently reunited with his wife, Tracey two years after a separation that followed their glamorous wedding. No reasons were given for the split but Kev says he is happy now that they are back together.
The couple has been seen together in public.
Churchill
He is undoubtedly the king of local comedy although non believers in the existence of gravity and the earth being round have been known to dispute this fact.
This year, only one man has kept us laughing on radio, television and at social events. That would be Churchill (Daniel Ndambuki)
His television show Churchill Live is a must watch on NTV every Thursday.
He is humble and observant and thanks to his creativity and the avoidance of artistic cliches, he has become a darling the old and young.
A fortnight ago, he was voted as the most influential local entertainer. He is also helping groom the next big things in comedy in Larry Asego and Eric Omondi.
Wyre, Abbass, Prezzo, Nasty Thomas
They all walked down the aisle. Wyre was the last of the lot to say “I do” when he wed his long time girlfriend Hannifa two weeks ago.
Prezzo had his in early December and Nasty Thomas of the Deux Vultures wed early in the year.
But it was Abass who surprised many not just by getting married but for doing it twice!! The second one was for his fans who never attended the first, invite only ceremony.
STRIP CLUBS
They are back in a big way. We are talking Chillers; Applebees, Lidos some of which advertise liberally. Not even the regular crackdowns by the police, which are broadcast mostly on Saturday’s one o’clock news, are a deterrent.
HARAMBEE STARS
Who says Kenyans aren’t proud of their local football? The National soccer team, Harambee Stars, though heavily dependent on striker Denis Oliech, has been a roll and the fans are solidly behind them as soccer patriotism makes a resurgence in spite of KFF’s shenanigans.
The boys (now in Jinja for the Cecafa Senior Challenge Cup) have played Namibia, Zimbabwe and Guinea where we only lost one game, to Namibia and drew with Zimbabwe but still managed to make it to the next phase which starts in March.
This year will be a busy one for the lads. We play Nigeria, Tunisia and Mozambique and if we make it, next year, we will be at the World Cup in South Africa.
Kenyan Olympic wonder
The national team to the 2008 Beijing Olympics was the most successful in the history of the country. With a total of 14 medals, Kenya emerged the top African nation and the 15th overall in the world.
That was a better performance than some bigger economies like Canada (19th) and Brazil (23rd).
Pamela Jelimo was Kenya’s queen easily winning 800m gold medal ahead of Janeth Jepkosgey who brought home silver in one of Kenya’s best performances in the mid-distance race previously dominated by Mozambique’s Maria Mutola. Jelimo bagged the Golden League series jackpot with a paycheck of $1 million.
While Pamela Jelimo’s win was expected, Nancy Jebet Lagat’s in the 1500m was not but she got it anyway. Catherine Ndereba brought home silver in the women’s marathon while Eunice Jepkorir brought home another in the women’s 3000m steeplechase.
The team captain Wilfred Bungei ensured that Kenya completed a men and women double in the 800m winning gold in what was his final race for the national team.
Brimin Kipruto ensured the 3,000m steeplechase medal remained home as his compatriot Richard Meteelong settled for the bronze medal.
Japan-based Samwel Wanjiru Kamau put the icing on the cake when he won Kenya its first Olympic marathon gold medal.
Other medals came from Eliud Kipchoge (silver, 5000m), Asbel Kiprop (silver, 1500m), Edwin Cheruiyot (Bronze, 5000m), Alfred Yego (bronze, 800m) and Micah Kogo (Bronze, 10,000m).
Then of course there was the swimming, where the Dunford brothers did us proud.
Tusker Project Fame 2
TPF II kicked off at a time when the country was still facing post election violence. Out of the 14 contestants, David Ogola and Wendy Kimani were Kenya’s brightest prospects.
Hemedi from Tanzania was however the most talked about contestant thanks to his dalliances in the academy. Esther from Uganda was however crowned the winner walking away with a Sh5 million cash prize and a recording contract with South Africa’s Gallo Records.
MNET IDOLS
Just as TPF was coming to an end, the MNET Idols was getting to the home stretch. The judges, who included radio presenter’s Angela Angwenyi, travelled to seven countries in East and Southern Africa and auditioned over 10,000 hopefuls.
Sixty-four contestants were short-listed for the theatre stage before they were whittled down to 10 finalists who took on each other in a grand-finale screened to the continent.
Cynthia Kuto and Kristine Apondi, the two Kenyan finalists, were eliminated with five others leaving Eric Moyo from Zimbabwe, Nicolette from Uganda and Trinah Chinsanga from Zambia to battle for the top prize.
Voters from across the continent, majority being young women, chose Eric Moyo as the winner. The Zimbabwean flew back to Harare Sh5.2 million richer in addition to a recording contract.
Main sponsors Celtel also assured him of guaranteed record sales of $25,000. Unfortunately, none of the two winners have released an album.
Big Brother Africa III
As the year came to an end, it was time for the annual Big Brother reality TV show. Kenyans were, for the first time, happy with our representative Sheila Kwamboka.
She escaped three eliminations but her affair with TK from Zambia saw her being eliminated midway the show. Ricco, the contestant from Angola, won the show taking home $100,000 cash prize.
It was however the sex escapades of Tawana from Botswana and Munya from Zimbabwe that were the talking pints.
———-
INTERNATIONAL
Madonna
No year goes by without the Material Girl hitting the headlines. In 2007 it was the controversy around her adoption of the Malawian boy David Banda.
Apparently the Malawian law requires anyone adopting a child to live in the country for a year before adopting. The legal battle ended in May this year with Madonna on the winning side.
In October, Madonna and her filmmaker husband Guy Ritchie had filed divorce papers. The New York Times revealed that Madonna had wanted the divorce due to Ritchie’s “unreasonable behaviour.”
(The marriage was the most stable in the many the pop legend has had.) Madonna has settled the mess by parting with at least 50 million pounds (Sh5.6 billion).
The figure includes the value of the couple’s country home, Ashcombe House in western England, which Ritchie will keep.
The couple was reportedly worth some $525 million (Sh40 billion), the vast majority of which belonged to Madonna. Ritchie had an estimated $35 million (Sh3 billion) fortune.
Their settlement is about twice the size paid out in Britain’s latest high-profile celebrity divorce, that of Paul formerly of the Beatles.
The list of Madonna’s exes includes porn-star Tony Ward, rapper Vanilla Ice and controversial basketballer Dennis Rodman. Others include her trainer Carlos Leon and Andy Bird.
Custody of the couple’s children, Rocco, Lourdes and David is yet to be finalised.
Usain Bolt
The 2008 Olympics in China gave birth to a new star. Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt broke the 100m and 200m world records in devastatingly at the Beijing games.
The 21-year-old tore his competitors apart in a 100m finals record that many thought he would have broken by a bigger margin had he not slowed down at the finish line.
He set records of 9.69 seconds and 19.30 seconds in the 100m and 200m races respectively. With his team mates, Bolt also set the 4x100m relay setting a time of 37.10 seconds.
Usain was understandably the most tested athlete in Beijing often in the wee hours of the morning. Because of his triumph, transnational corporations have been seeking the Jamaican as a face of their products.
He is currently contracted by Puma and BMW but Ferrari are hot on his heels. Nike is also reportedly chasing after his signature for a multi-million sponsorship deal.
Michael Jackson
Jackson released a double-disc album Thriller 25 to mark the album’s 25th anniversary. It contained remixes of the songs but only two singles enjoyed moderate success.
Though The Girl Is Mine 2008 and Wanna Be Starting Something, hit the charts the album sold 688,000 copies making it the best selling catalogue album 2008.
In November, Jackson transferred the title of his Neverland Ranch to Sycamore Valley Ranch Company LLC. It is unclear if Jackson still owns any stake in the property but the loan Jackson owed was cleared, and he received $35 million (Sh3 billion) in the venture.
With Neverland and the threats of auctioneers out of the way, one would have thought that MJ would enjoy the rest of the year but NO!
Last month, MJ was sued by the son of the Bahrain’s king. Sheik Abdulla bin Hamad Al Khalifa, who owns 2 Seas Records, filed a breach of contract lawsuit against Jackson to the tune of about 8.6 million Canadian dollars.
Khalifa argued that the promised album was never delivered. However, the matter was settled out of court.
Lewis Hamilton
Formula One driver, Lewis Hamilton should have won the F1 title last year in his first season but a mysterious loss of power to his Maclaren Mercedes in Brazil saw him lose to Ferraris’ Kimi Raikkonen by one point.
his year Hamilton captured the title in the final race beating home favourite Filipe Massa in the last seconds of the duel.
Hamilton’s win was also very well received amongst fans in Africa who consider him a black. His mother, Carmen Larbalestier (now Carmen Lockhart) is a white British while his paternal grandparents emigrated from the Caribbean.
Hamilton’s parents separated when he was two and he lived with his mother and half-sisters Nicola and Samantha. At twelve, he started living with his father, stepmother Linda and half-brother Nicholas who has cerebral palsy.
On February 4, 2008, Lewis Hamilton was subjected to racial slurs during a pre-season testing at the Circuit de Catalonia in Spain. ( They were sporting black face paint, wigs and shirts bearing the words “Hamilton’s Family”.
Hamilton became unpopular in Spain because of his rivalry with Spanish former team-mate Fernando Alonso. Alonso was once Hamilton’s team mate but left Maclaren after he protested that the team favoured Hamilton.
Racing for Renault, he raised eyebrows this season when he promised to do everything to ensure that Massa (Hamilton’s rival for the title) wins this year.
Paris Hilton
The heiress to the Hilton Hotels empire is no stranger to controversy. In August, the outspoken socialite found herself at the centre of US politics.
In a campaign advert titled Celeb, US Republican presidential candidate John McCain briefly compared his rival Barack Obama’s popularity to that of celebrities such as Hilton and Britney Spears.
Hilton issued a quick response in a 1 minute 50 second long video. Hilton appeared in the video wearing a leopard print swimsuit.
She starts out by suggesting that her personal mention by McCain means that she must now be a candidate in the presidential race. The video received 7 million views in just two days.
Britney Spears
She became a pop culture icon immediately after launching her recording career. Rolling Stone magazine wrote: “One of the most controversial and successful female vocalists of the 21st century.”
Controversy has always dogged her somewhat successful career. Remember her 55-hour-long marriage to childhood sweetheart Jason Allen in 2004?
She married choreographer Kevin Ferdeline in September same year but divorced him two years and two children later. In January this year, she was in the news for refusing to release the children to Ferdeline.
She was in and out of drug rehabs, had unending battle with paparazzi and frequent encounters with the police for driving offences.
In July, Spears and Federline reached a custody settlement in which Federline retains sole custody of the children while Spears keeps her visitation rights.
Towards the end of the year, she regained some composure, got back to the studio and released an album titled ‘Blackout’.
Its tracks ‘Womaniser’ and ‘Circus’ shot straight to the top of US charts and won three awards at the MTV Video Music Awards.
By NJERI KIHANG’AH, Weekend Magazine
According to a recent research by the Steadman Group, the majority of Kenyan women are gold diggers. Of the 2,010 women interviewed, 81 per cent said they would only marry a rich man.
Urbandictionary.com defines a gold-digger as a man or woman who uses their sex appeal to get money from the opposite sex. The term was borrowed from the California Gold Rush of the 1890s, when miners flocked to the area with hopes of striking gold and becoming millionaires overnight.
But what is wrong with wanting a man who can afford a little luxury? And where does one draw the line between wanting financial security and plain old materialism?
According to Laban Wesonga, who has been in a relationship with a gold-digger, the figures by Steadman are conservative compared with the reality on the ground.
Wesonga, who works with a bank in Nairobi, had dated his ex-girlfriend for close to four years before he realised what she was truly like.
Things were going well and Wesonga had even introduced her to his family as his fiancée when he unexpectedly lost his job. She left him almost immediately, saying the relationship was no longer working.
A year later, Wesonga got an even better job and when she learnt about it, she came back and asked that they give their relationship another try. But Wesonga would have none of it. “She was only after my money. She calls to check on me but I have no time for her,” he asserts.
Like Wesonga’s former girlfriend, there are, indeed, women who remain in a relationship only for what a man can provide. But it is important to note that women involved with older men are sometimes unfairly labelled gold-diggers simply because society has certain criteria for an acceptable relationship.
Among these is that that a couple should be fairly close in age, class and to some extent even looks, such that a person who is considered too pretty or handsome for their partner’s “league” is viewed with suspicion.
But gold-diggers — both male and female — have no respect for such things and live strictly by the motto, “No romance without finance”.
Ambitious and calculating
The typical female gold-digger is an unapologetic, daring go-getter who knows exactly what she wants. She is ambitious and calculating and will stop at nothing to have her way.
She is the type who earns a Sh30,000 salary but lives in an apartment whose monthly rent is Sh40,000, wears designer clothes and Sh10,000 Coco Channel perfume, complete with a Sh5,000 hairdo.
That’s not to mention her designer shoes and other accessories. She knows presentation is important if she’s to nab the calibre of monied man she’s after. Nothing local is good enough for her.
These women know how to get the fine things in life, and like them or hate them, you have to give it to them for their ability to manipulate men.
A typical gold-digger will get a man to accompany her shopping, where she will load her trolley like there’s no tomorrow. When she reaches the till, she’ll “realise” that she is Sh5,000 short and turn to the man, who serves as her mobile ATM.
“I want”, “ I need and “I must have” feature prominently in her conversations. As Joel Mwangi, a lawyer, puts it, “She doesn’t bother with you if you have nothing to offer, but as soon as you start to make headway in your career, she calls you up.”
However, every woman will tell you that she likes to feel special, and that actions speak louder than words.
When asked whether she would date a broke guy, Wanjiru Ndung’u, a nurse, immediately sought a clarification.” Define broke,” she said, before adding, “Do you mean jobless, or a low-income earner?
After a brief silence she replied, “No, I wouldn’t. “
Wanjiru, like many women above 25, is looking for a man who will put food on the table. But before she decides who to settle down with, she has to know about his financial position.
But how does a man spot a gold-digger?
According to Larry Madowo, a TV reporter, you can tell gold-diggers during the introductions at, say a cocktail party. “They pay keen attention to men who are in ‘impressive’ professions.”
“Miss Take” has no time for jobless or roke men. Her goal is simple: get in, get rich, get out. She likes living it up and a prospective man’s responses at such functions help her gauge whether his income is enough to sustain her expensive lifestyle.
“Girls from the rural areas make the worst gold-diggers. They come to the city and come up with schemes for financial success,” says Mwangi, who has encountered this breed of high-maintenance women. He notes that university students are no better.
“Campus girls seemed to be more impressed by the chap who drives to class,” he says. “Whether the car was stolen from his parents’ driveway or borrowed does not matter; the point here is that image is everything.”
While it is generally accepted that the man pays for drinks, dinners, flowers and jewellery, gold-diggers add to this list holiday trips to the coast or a fully furnished house or apartment, preferably in a nice suburb.
Historically, women have always sought wealthy partners who can provide for them, putting financial security above factors like romance, love, looks, and/or chemistry.
However, gold-diggers will use every trick in the book to achieve their aim. And since their sole aim is to get rich, some don’t limit themselves to one man and end up juggling different partners. After all, “the more, the merrier” goes a common saying.
Some have managed to acquire lavish homes in the suburbs and furnished them with subsequent returns from the “treats” they offer unsuspecting, generous men.
“Since she is only interested in getting what she wants and has no regard for the other person’s feelings, she’s no different from a call girl,” says Newton Onyango, a city businessman.
Expensive restaurants
According to hubpages.com, a gold-digger will never select a destination that is kind to a man’s wallet. So if she’s too good for the occasional take-away chicken and chips from a casual joint in town and only suggests expensive restaurants, it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship before you run into debt trying to please her.
There is a saying that behind every successful man is a woman, but sometimes it might just be a gold-digger, who will be willing to stay and play for as long as the man can pay.
Occasionally, you will find a man who has fallen prey to gold-diggers more than once. This makes one wonder whether after the first time, they fail to see it coming the second time because they are too busy thanking their stars for getting the perfect “trophy” this time, much to the envy of their friends.
When a man realises that his girl always pushes the dinner check over to him (never even once offering to pay), if often she’s out shopping for shoes or always complains how the ATM is be out of her way, it’s time to take another look at the relationship.
But times have changed, and gold-digging is no longer the preserve of women. Although figures are not readily available as to the number of male gold-diggers, today, women are just as likely to find a man latching onto them for their money.
Some men love money and the trappings of success but either lack the qualifications to help them get there or are simply lazy, so they would rather catch a free ride than pay for their own. And like the female gold-diggers, this breed of men knows that it takes stealth to marry wealth. They tend to prey on lonely, older women who are well established in their career.
“Being able to run a few errands on for a woman gets him into her good books,” offers Sheila Ndwati, who swears that she can tell a gold-digger from a mile away.
Meanwhile, Arnold Mwite, whose friend preys on single women at the peak of their careers, offers some insights regarding the victims: “The higher up the ladder, the more needy they are,” says Mwite.
His friend drives around in his girlfriend’s car and she takes care of all his needs. She has “pimped” (taken care of) him up so well that he now owns a boutique in town.
The male gold-digger is no different from a con man, and just like his female counterpart, he is aware that his physical appearance counts a lot toward keeping the relationship going. As a result, he is always sure to be in tip-top shape.
There is a general belief that women who get involved with such men are usually so desperate to be loved that they cannot see the telltale signs. And indeed, there are cases where a women will readily give the helpful lad her car keys and trust him to cash checks on her behalf since her diary is packed.
But it is notable that in some cases, a woman might well be aware of the man’s intentions but will ignore this it if the emotional gains from the relationship outstrip what she loses materially. Often, wealthy women have no qualms about funding a gold-digger in exchange for their company if that person is particularly attractive and makes them look good.
While male gold-diggers are not hard to spot, their targets are even easier to spot!
Generous women who don’t seem to mind splashing money around and enjoy glittery objects and expensive life are easy prey for male gold-diggers. They don’t mind paying for the dinner or fuelling the car and will readily take the man shopping for some presentable clothes.
The attention he attracts makes them even more generous, so a nice “expensive” bit of arm candy may not be such a bad trade-off.
Major boost
Thus begins the transformation begins. The gold-digger’s ego receives a major boost, what with well-manicured nails and crisp suits bought by their partners.
“It costs money to look this good, and if I’m going to be her escort, she needs to sort me out,” I heard a gold-digger say in self-defence.
Male gold-diggers always insist on the woman buying the drinks but suggest the places they should can go and things they should buy.
But what happens when the money runs out or the woman can no longer keep up with a gold-digger’s expensive tastes and needs? Like his female counterpart, he will not stand by her when the hard times arrive. That handsome face will turn into a twisted nagging frown and it won’t be pleasant!
They are smart know how to getwhat they want. They dress to impress and won’t be found in any cheap bar or club! But when busted by their prey, they are quick to accuse her of not treating them right, or even failing to appreciate them! Make no mistake, all the while they have someone else on the side.
According to a recent article the UK Telegraph, men are bigger gold-diggers than women. And research there shows that the tide is turning, with many men willing to be financially dependent on their partner.
While it might be a good thing that more women are taking responsibility for their financial future, this could very well be the reason for the rise in the number of male gold-diggers.
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By Philip Mwaniki and Tim Kamuzu Banda, ZUQKA Magazine